It's been a little too long since I've journaled for the sake of journaling. Perhaps because I've been in touch enough with myself lately to deem it unnecessary, but suddenly (not a few seconds ago, actually) I felt compelled to record my thoughts as they flow.
I've been writing in preparation for a contest on the theme of war, and after I finished the pieces I plan on submitting, I didn't read them. The deadline is midnight tonight, and I just finished my final editing and read-throughs. I surprised myself, one way or another; layers of symbolical subtleties overlapping each other, themes I don't remember writing or planning coming to surface. I remember writing the pieces, of course, remember carefully picking through words and phrases and becoming comfortable with them.
Originally, the topic of war seemed almost inexpressibly broad, not to mention ugly in a fashion that I myself am afraid of. It sickens me, to know that the human condition (if that's the scapegoat this week) can drive us to such odds with each other...such odds that we would kill to settle them. Such that loved ones are transformed into shadows, or may retain themselves, but are never quite the same again. To experience even the most indirect effects of war can startle one into a spiral of deep contemplation and seemingly endless distaste for humanity. On the same spectrum and to the same extent, many individuals may live through wars and walk through the fire unscathed; some seem even to traverse the bloodied paths without even noticing the flames that lick their heels.
I'd invite everyone to think about all the broad things that way...it makes me cry every now and then, but not always out of any negative energy flow.
I'd like to remind some of you, especially those of you in your last year or two of high school or college, that many of your classmates (perhaps even you) may join some branch of our nation's fabulous military, for which I have the utmost respect and admiration. Whether they do this out of the pure desire to, because they need to pay for school, because they have nowhere to go, because they want to travel, or because that'so just their niche, some of the people that have been a tiny but distinct part of your entire life will join up, and some will not return. This is not a "worst-case scenario" sort of statement- people you know are going to die fighting, or just doing their jobs, or doing nothing in particular at all.
"To those that are about to die, we salute you."
...respect takes on an entirely new meaning when you realize that another person is not only capable of but efficient at living a lifestyle and doing a job that you yourself could never see yourself whole in. It is almost a baffling realization...and my heart aches for the friends, family, classmates, and coworkers I have had that have chosen the path of the soldier, for whatever reasons they may have; may my best wishes and hopes find them with my prayers.
Rough waters ahead, I wager.
