Steeling Oneself

It seems so difficult, but it's so necessary. Being "the strong one" is important, even if it means being the self-loathing, auto-analytic, stoic, brutally honest one...right?

Sometimes forgiving oneself for allowing oneself to be broken is the most difficult thing to forgive oneself for. It is only as a whole person that I can see myself in retrospect, in a million little pieces of glass...glass too sharp for me to pick up. But so many people picked them up anyway, and over time we put them back into an order very close to the right one. Now I'm just too insightful for my own good. Sometimes proper knowledge is enough to drive you crazy, and, in that light, ignorance truly may be bliss. I just don't want to keep myself in the dark ever again.

I refuse to take all the easy ways out.

Bring on the fray.

"I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark night,
Shining with the light from the sun-
But the sun doesn't give the light to the moon assuming
The moon's gonna owe it one.
It makes me think of how ya' act to me- you do
Favors, then, constantly, ya' just turn around and start askin' me about
Things that ya' want back from me.
I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger,
Sick of you actin' like I owe you this-
So find another way to feed your greed while I find
A place to rest."

~Linkin Park~

Adieu,
~W.V.~

Drown Them Out...

Mama Jo and Todd are having a shouting match (and I am, as usual, with grandma on this issue), so I'm gonna blog and listen to Queen.

Paris and I have decided that we are cousins because we are both related to Thomas Jefferson through his slaves.

Bohemian Rhapsody...again. Oh yes. T-Rey impression :"Yeeess!"

My grandmother has made pork chops cooked in onions, garlic, pepper, and sour cream gravy...which is an improvised (and amazing) compliment to anything. Including asparagus, which I hate, for the most part.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man...Galileo...Let me go...oh mama mia, mama mia..." I am singing to myself, sadly. This music is way too loud. Oh well.

I spent this morning with David, who fed me and taught me to play Halo Wars, and made my day quite wonderful despite its monotony. ("...any way the wind blows...*gong*...") I then reported to the auxiliary gym and played the picture-sentence game with Steffness, Macy G, Allison, Nanako, and Anna, whose new hair color is gorgeous. We plan to meet tomorrow morning at Affle Housen. I have all of four dollars, but I still look forward to it.

I am once again approaching a birthday, which has been awkward the past few days. As I told D, while trying to convince him not to spend any money on me, I believe that "There is absolutely nothing special about my birthday except getting one year closer to marrying you and one year closer to dying. That's it." And that really is my view on it, pathetic or not...considering that the educated populous of the planet does not look to the skies at 9:07 pm on the first day of spring and say, "Ah, look, it's some eccentric Amazon's birthday in America," , I don't pay too much attention to it anymore. I don't even love getting gifts or being treated slightly nicer than any other day anymore...so, I settle in asking my mom to fund another set of piercings, and allowing my friends to take me on a group shopping trip. Originally, I had NO IDEA what I wanted from D, and urged him not to get me anything...But he managed to get a grin out of me at the mention of Final Fantasy VII, so that may be a possibility. However, I expect nothing of him apart from a comfy night at home...and that he cook me dinner. I make some killer desserts, but David is definitely the cook between the two of us.

Prom is retarded. Like...Spongebob retarded. Yet I wanna go next year. Eh, what can I say...I want at least one excuse to flaunt it in a pretty dress. That' s assuming I decide on one. Cause if I don't love it, I'm not buying it. Straight up.

David's at pt (physical training) with the USMC early entry group right now, so I'm just chillin' at g-ma's and waiting to be fed. Lol. Such is life at the Thomas residence on most evenings.

I think I've found another item for my Bucket List...learn to ballroom dance well. Right under "Speak Spanish with something that somewhat resembles fluency."

I've been bored on Quizilla lately cause it keeps only saving parts of my stories and then deletes parts, so I'm pissed at it and haven't actually written in ages. But oh well...guess now is as good a time as any to log back on.

Well, until another (quieter) day,

~W.V.~