"These Tears Are Deadly"

So life has been interesting lately. My mom had her surgery a little over a week ago and this afternoon had an appointment to see what the findings about her cancer were. I'm nervous, so here I sit, blogging, alone. I'm generally calmer that way.

"Simple and Clean" is a great song. All versions. Check it out.

Well, I am a senior, and the AHS French horn/Mellophone section leader. LIfe is...good. Good enough for living. If a person can wake up and breathe and find some goodness inside themself, life is good, as good as it gets, and that means carpe diem is the way to go. Despite that carpe diem and que sera sera are two contradictory philosophies in two different languages, I try to live by them synonymously. Seize the day, but what happens happens. Only God can stop the world from turning, and while Earth spins, life moves on, with or without the living.

"She sits in her corner, singing herself to sleep,
Wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep.
She no longer cries to herself, no tears left to wash away.
Just diaries of empty pages, feelings gone astray.
But she will sing
'Til everything burns while everyone screams
With all of their hopes and all of my dreams"

"Everything burns" ~Anastacia feat. Ben Moody

Almost all my friends have been consumed by World of Warcraft. I'm occasionally tempted to beat them senseless with their Internet routers. Though it's a fun game, hours upon days upon weeks upon end of leveling up to gain status in a video game while you're sitting there getting older is just a bit foolish to me. Get a life, folks. You only get eighty years or so. The Internet will always be there, but you won't. Live a little.

Everyone take a little time to just sit, or listen to music, or talk to loved ones. To read, to write, to paint, to pray. Take pictures, sing songs, dance like you're the only one with eyes. Turn off your phone and turn up the volume. Drive with the windows down. Sleep naked. Stand in the rain. Laugh at yourself...laugh at everything. Love everything, even the things you can barely stand. Just live. Live your life; it's the only one like it you'll ever have.

The title of this entry comes from a Hollywood Undead song entitled "I'm Sorry". It's riddled with pain and regret and anger, but somewhere towards the end of that song there is such relief...the release of human emotion is...amazing. All the potential for every great discovery lies within the human soul.

I've made a new friend. She's one of my freshman horn players this year, and she's an incredibly sweet, interesting person. Her vitality is refreshing to me. Constantly having random deep thoughts can be hectic, and she's a real breath of fresh air. A free spirit, like myself. I wish her well. She has no idea how much fun she's going to have in the next three years, and I'm excited to see how she adapts to full-fledged high school life. Best of luck, gal.

Mmm...Bon Jovi. Something about that man's voice is wonderfully enlightening. Great songs, to boot. I'm craving some Guadalajara cheese dip. Mmmm...yum.

D is supposed to be leaving work now, but he'll probably try to stay til close for the extra hours...I miss him, and he's wearing himself out...I wish he wouldn't. I can say one thing for the boy, he works really hard to reach his goals until he's met them. I admire that greatly.

I had an epic Avoid-Being-Farted-On-By-My-Randomly-Disgusting-Boyfriend Battle today. He let a real stinker loose, and I got one whiff and had no intention of remaining in the room for the rest of his gaseous expulsions, so of course he attempted to restrain me and fart as close to my nose as possible. He should be awarded a gold medal for taking as many consecutive knees to the hindquarters as he did. Poor thing was definitely hurting... :) But I won, as I always do.

I saw an act of extreme redneck-ness (and illegality) near D's house earlier this week; a family attached a fire hose (where on earth did they get that?! Did they jack a f-in fire engine?!) to the fire hydrant on the corner, ran it down the block to their curb, along the fence that surrounds their yard, into their backyard, and used it to fill their above-ground pool.
...Seriously?...I mean...seriously?...Even the yuppies can't afford to use their own friggin' garden hose? What is wrong with people? Is it worth being jailed and fined massively? ...Seriously???

A song recommendation for Evanescence fans: "Lies". A song from the Origin album that wasn't terribly advertised due to the fact that the band had not yet signed with Windup...you could also find the original versions of Whisper and Imaginary (that one's particularly good), along with some more great titles, such as "Forgive Me", "Fields of Innocence", and a wonderful instrumental called "Outro".

My quote for the evening:

"Sinners, men, and chivalry
And softly spoken lies;
You never know just how to look
Through other people's eyes."

~from "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers~

(...what's up with that name...?)

Peace,
~*W.V.*~