Eventually

Everything will be alright, eventually.

It's about time to invest in myself. I've always known I have a ton of potential, and I'm getting tired of not using it...or at least tired of only using it in ways that benefit others but not myself. It's time to start looking into ways to make money and to go to school...time to stop wishing that my family cared and that my friends were all trustworthy...time to take matters into my own hands and make the hard decisions and make a move instead of standing still and hoping. Time to take risks. Time for change of any kind.

Time to live, and really savor life...the way I used to. Time to remember that everything is beautiful, even the awful things...even the painful things.

Today I woke up in a new place once more, only this time I feel like it may lead me to somewhere that matters...to a life utilized for something of real, respectable worth. I hope that's true. Wanna publish some writing soon, but need to worry about necessities and getting on my feet first. That's about all...things are all business now, and it's funny how that affects one's typical train of thought. It's much more difficult to really enjoy myself these days...but somehow, I'm still doing it.

Viva la vida!
~W.V.~

SO MUCH

Has happened.

I am now in Florida, reunited with my biological father, here for the summer with my two half-sisters that I only met about 2 weeks ago.

As soon as I graduated my parents shoved me out the door with one bag and $40...and here I am. I'm hoping to be back home (living with everybody's favorite Mexican) sometime in August, and I miss it very much, which is so strange lol. I've learned so much and grown up even since graduation...life is so beautiful you guys, and I see that even though mine is really hard right now.

I've been really creative lately. Check out the works in my gallery at http://www.wolvenvengeance.deviantart.com

I absolutely wish I could tell you how wonderful you are, every last one of my friends. I got close to a few of you, A.M., J.F., G.M., K.E., right before I left, and I miss you guys in an unbelievable way. You're amazing, strong, loving, beautiful people, and I am here for you even when I'm far away. Thank you all so much for helping me through all these rough spots in my life, I love you all so much. I am so blessed to have so many angels in my life :) I could die happy tomorrow knowing I caught a glimpse of what is truly the most beautiful part of the world.

Do please check out my deviantART at the link above and leave comments for me please :)

I'll blog again when I can.

Peace,

~W.V.~

New Short Story

Got a new short story up on the good ol' dA (deviantart.com)...http://www.deviantart.com
Check the place out, it's pretty fun.

I think my addiction to writing has started to rival most of my others lol which is good and bad, I guess.

This is one of those posts like the ones McCurly has all the time.

Peace,
~W.V.~

Another Poem...

Wrote this one today during my government class for no apparent reason. It made so much sense when I finished it- keep in mind that "seraph" in this particular poem refers to the stone carvings of angels that guard tombs and graves, but that the speaker is not necessarily speaking to a dead person.


Seraph's Song

If I were an angel,
As I look to be,
You'd never have to feel alone,
As you'd sit beneath my wings.

Alas, I am no angel;
I do not wish to be.
For for your sake I would shed blood,
Or destroy all living things.

A lover, rogue, guardian, wolf;
I am who I am and I am forsook
By those who I should trust the most;
But a ghost remains of all they took.

I am who I am and I am not proud
That fury and passion and madness abound,
Yet for this world I exist and am whole
In the fact that my life is meant to expose;

The only true stability that chaos brings
Is that I'll always shelter you under my wings.


So that's what came out, and I didn't realize how deep my own words were until I thought about them for a while. I needed poetry today for some reason. Hope you enjoy, but whether you do or not feel free to comment.

Peace,
~W.V.~

The Homeless Hanger Incident

So I had the funniest day of my recent life yesterday.

I'm sitting in one of the many practice rooms adjacent to the band room at the school with Andrew and Claire. Kevin, however, was in the practice room next to ours practicing on the xylophone. Within each of the practice rooms in the well-worn, foam-esque ceiling tiles are large holes that were, at some point in the past, made by a mysterious force. In our room, slightly to the left of the space above my head, is a ceiling tile that had been moved over to one side, allowing access to the empty, attic-like space that all the practice rooms share.
So everyone in my room was bored. I was numbering measures in ED's music out of boredom, Andrew was reading, and Claire was chilling. The tiny guard room was filled with awkward silence for several minutes, until, suddenly, Andrew looked up from his book and muttered, "I'm gonna throw something at Kevin."
Claire and I smiled and Claire suggested some small, light object to be chucked through the ceiling. Andrew stands on his chair and gives it a toss. The projectile makes it through the hole in our ceiling, but thumps on the inside of the adjacent room's ceiling tiles. "Missed," I mumbled, not particularly interested in the pastime that has been the undisputed favorite of band students since the ceiling-holes were brought into existence (which was probably around twenty years ago or so).
In search of another projectile, Andrew looks up to the rack of color guard flags and finds a row of empty hangers. He grabs a hanger and Claire and I become a little more interested. Andrew flings the hanger and it bounces off the edge of our ceiling-hole and smacks me in the face. After a small burst of laughter from our group, Andrew picked the hanger back up, and mounted the chair for another attempt.
The hanger disappeared through the ceiling-hole and we heard a thump on the other side, and I assumed it was another miss...until, almost instantaneously with the landing-thump of the hanger, Kevin's xylophone notes stopped dead. Devious smiles appeared on the three pairs of lips in the guard room, and then came the familiar Southern drawl of our band director.
"Kevin, did you see that?!"
Kevin's high-pitched, hysterical laughter rose through the ceiling-hole in his room and into the guard room through ours.
The three pairs of eyes in the guard room widened. Andrew leaped down from the chair and spun to sit in it, grabbing his book. Claire stood up and began spinning a rifle as I began numbering measures again. After a few moments our band director (who, in his cooler moments, we call KoopDawg) enters the room with Kevin trailing behind. Kevin looked like he was about to burst into more laughter if he opened his mouth. KoopDawg stared at the hole in our ceiling.
"Is there anyone up there?"
We answered meekly, "No..."
"Doubt it-"
"No sir..."
KoopDawg pointed from the hanger rack to the hole in the ceiling. "One of those hangers...fell through the ceiling..."
The room was silent as we all sat and waited to get yelled at. All the evidence was on the table; we were sitting beneath a hole in the ceiling that quite obviously connected with the hole in the ceiling of the xylophone room, there was an entire rack of hangers directly above Andrew's head, there was no one more fun to prank than Kevin, and no group of kids looked guiltier than us.
The next words our director spoke shocked us to the core.
"Y'all, my wife works at the library and they had these homeless people hiding in their ceilings. They'd been stepping up on the bathroom sinks and climbing into the ceiling...I think there may be homeless people in our ceilings, walking around on the cinder blocks...I need to call somebody about that and see if they'll come check our ceilings..."
So he leaves and goes to his office to get on the phone.

Really?

Like, seriously?

I've been laughing for two solid days.

KoopDawg, we salute you and thank you for the entire class period of stifled, hysterical laughter.

Life is good.

"Laughter is the spice of life"
Peace out,
~W.V.~

You Shouldn't Say "Macbeth" in the Theatre...

Or anywhere around me, because I may randomly punch you and start swearing at the heavens like an ancient Greek with Taurette's (meaning I'd swear in Latin).

Anyway, I have a great respect for that play, but I hate reading it. I wish I could just go see the show, just to get the full creepiness out of it.

I am so completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with my David. And he's officially joining the Marines. And I am SO NERVOUS. But, I think I may have partially convinced him into having a ceremony, which I look forward to. Of course I have no idea how we'll afford it (not getting any financial support), but I think we can manage something nice. All of this thought about the military is terribly exciting, but there's constantly something lingering in the back of my mind, echoing after every hope, telling me that somehow he'll die and I'll be left all alone. I guess it's the fact that I'm used to everything beautiful in my life falling out from under me the moment I start expecting it to last. Family, friends, guys, my personal stability among others...the moment I get comfortable with any of it, all of it falls apart.

But, thinking back, D showed up in this town when things were getting really bad, and he loved me then, and he's never let me fall, even when it wasn't expected of his and wasn't his job. David's never abandoned me, and I believe he never will...but his willingness to be with me and protect me can't deflect a bullet, and neither can all my worries and highest hopes. I could pray until I passed out, but if it's supposed to happen it will happen...and though my belief in fate should make me more comfortable, it doesn't.

I'm the happiest I've ever been when I'm making him happy, and I can't see myself without him, ever. I've lost family and friends to many things, including death, but to this day I cannot comprehend how people cope with the lose of their mate. The very thought of it makes me cry.

So. Analysis.

10 Things I Don't Love About Myself:
1.) I eat too much
2.) I'm often indecisive
3.) I worry too much
4.) I should let my guard down more often
5.) I let people walk all over me
6.) I ignore my own needs in order to tend to others'
7.) I'm a bit too comfortable with the idea of my own death
8.) I tend to take lots of time to accept changes about myself
9.) I remember too much
10.) I forget too much

10 Things I Love About Myself:
1.) I'm tall
2.) Someone loves me for exactly who I am
3.) I find humor in negative situations
4.) I don't take myself too seriously
5.) I'm aware of how I sound, but also of what I mean
6.) I can be quite eloquent, with a little effort
7.) I have a small group of amazing friends
8.) I comfort people
9.) I know who I am
10.) I understand what I am

I always feel better about life after I analyze myself. I'm not entirely sure why.

So it's December 5th, and getting ever-closer to Christmas. As I get older I hate winter more and like the holidays a fraction more, but I can't say that it's the family-oriented part of the holiday that I like. Most of my family hates the rest of it, and in some cases just me, so I avoid conflict and contact like the plague. The coziness of Christmas is nice, but my favorite part is gift-giving. Just buying and making gifts for other people. It makes me feel awesome, and the acts of shopping and creating are relaxing to me.

All my stories are coming along nicely. I sustain my high hopes for them.

I heard a great joke the other day.

A burglar breaks into a house and starts looking around for valuables. After a few minutes he hears a voice that says, "Jesus knows you're here and he knows what you're doing."
The burglar snaps his flashlight on and looks around, but doesn't see anyone, so he moves on to another room and continues looking for valuables. After a few more minutes, the thief hears the voice again, closer this time, "Jesus sees you and he doesn't like what you're doing."
The thief turns his flashlight on again and sweeps the room, and this time the beam passes over a parrot. The burglar laughs and says,
"Was that you, little guy?"
"Yes, it was." The parrot answered.
"What's your name?"
"Moses." Says the parrot.
"Ha!" The burglar laughed, "Who would name a parrot Moses?"
The parrot squawked and replied, "The same person who would name a rottweiler Jesus."

~W.V.~

"All the Same"

It's an amazing song by Sick Puppies that makes me cry. In fact, that's what I'm doing right now, in the best possible way; listening to "All the Same" and crying a little. David's oblivious beside me, playing Modern Warfare 2 and swearing at the screen.

Today is Thanksgiving, and I am blogging. Strange, I know. I don't have much else to do. My blood family spent the afternoon arguing, and I'm with David's, which I must say is much more fun.

Thinking a lot about family lately. Still insanely excited about getting married, and nervous about a great many things, but also oddly at peace with my indefinite state of discord. I think that is part of my humanity, independant from everyone else's; I am constantly at odds with myself, and usually everyone else. It's become a relitively comfortable form of existance for me.

So I've been designing tee shirts for an up-and-coming company. Eventyally I hope to make a little extra money from the endevour; let's hope it turns out okay.

Work is good, but it's also always a little sad because I know I'll eventually have to leave. I'm a bit nervous about working Black Friday, but I'm sure we'll handle it well. Generally everyone I work with is quite adaptable.

I must not be very picky about music. I listen to so much, and not a lot of it is well known, and therefore, no one likes it. It makes me sad. People that deserve to be discovered rarely are.

Hinder songs are always sad. Anyone else noticed that?

Now that Evanescence is no more, I must recommend you listen through their Origin album...most of their truly musically unique stuff happened before they signed with Windup, though their popular stuff isn't bad either.

My hair is shorter now than it has been since the first grade. I think I'm starting to get used to it...it seems to be growing on others as well. It's a modified bob that I've been tweaking into a few different edgy styles.

I am SO FULL OF FOOD. David's mother makes phenomenal cheesecake. My mom actually managed a strange (and awesome) variation of fruit salad that I loved. I need to hone my limited cooking skills. Seriously.

Life has been so odd lately. People look up to me, and all my friends my age or older are getting married, having kids, starting careers, going to different colleges...I have to say, I'm most excited for Sota. I believe so much in him...he'll make it, no matter what he wants to do.

Has anyone ever seen a miniature poodle completely unshaven? They look like love children of shizus and sheep. When we arrived at my grandmother's today, the first thing we saw was my aunt and uncle running through the yard, chasing a poodle. I must say, it was hilarious; as soon as I got inside and opened the front door, the little thing ran right inside. It was, of course, sour grapes to the others.

I'm not sure why I'm blogging today.

It just feels like I'm connected with myself, I guess. Considering McCurly is the only person that reads these, I think that's why I blog period...to know myself as well as I can.

"Demolition Lovers". Quite an interesting song, though somewhat morbid. I'd love to learn the acoustic guitar part.

Oh! I almost forgot. I choked on something at dinner in front of my future in-laws.

Only me.

Epic fail.

Happy Turkey-Day, people.

"How do you expect to get any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!!"
~"A Brick in the Wall"

Peace,
~W.V.~

Beauty, and an Update on Life...

Life is amazing right now. David proposed about a month ago, and it feels so good to know we're actually moving towards something good together...we've started looking at necessitates, and despite the formidable financial difficulties we are sure to face, I'm incredibly excited.

And now, a word on beauty.

Beauty...
Is everywhere, in everything, all the time.
In death and suffering, in laughter and confusion,
In naivete and bitterness.
One could observe the world and see not a shred of what one perceives to be
Beauty...
But she is there, in someone else's eyes,
Or goals, or dreams, or twisted, secret desires...
Beauty
Is not skin deep, but a natural part
Of who we are...
Who We Are...
Vitality, viciousness, intellect seasoned by steely ruthlessness,
Aesthetically all one could ask for and spiritually wretched,
Who We Are...
What We Are
Is a race of dragonflies,
Beautiful
And stupid. So stupid we drown ourselves
In our own cares and fly so quickly and recklessly
Towards our aspirations
That we break our bodies against the walls and even
Other beings...we fall to our deaths in pursuit of
What We Already Are...
Beautiful
Cannot be found in surgery or clothes or beautiful things,
But only in beautiful lives, in
Beautiful People...
And these are definite reasons why,
Though I may be plain and simple to see,
I'd want an elegant soul in me,
Instead of letting life drift by
As a beautiful, idiot dragonfly.

I remember Mackenzie telling me about how it so disturbed him that the occasional dragonfly will crash straight into a living person, so gorgeous and yet delightfully unaware of the frailty of said condition. It made me think of how money is worthless, as is beauty, because when you die you have neither to your name. So, in short, I wrote a very different version of the above poem, and altered it to my liking before posting it here. I hope it has provided enjoyment for someone.

Anyway, life flows on. On to another day.

"Who watches the Watchmen?"

Adios,
~W.V.~

Analogies...Sort of.

If laughter is the spice of life, music must be the cheese. Spicy food and cheese go well together. Most places where there are music there are people smiling, laughing, enjoying one another's company...People play music together because it makes them happy. Cheese makes me happy, personally.

Love is definitely life's sugar. Makes almost any situation taste better, but if you get too much at once you get sick to your stomach. So love can range from teacakes to fudge brownies...and I love both. So love must be sugar.

Wisdom is pepper. It's difficult and sometimes unpleasant to embrace in many situations, but sometimes it's exactly what is needed to make something complete. Only the wise enjoy wise decisions, but everybody likes the taste of profitable outcome. So pepper is wisdom.

Friends are salt. Life gives us so many people, and they are all so wonderfully different. Whenever something needs some extra flavor, we ring up our friends. We know that our chicken noodle soup evening of staying in and watching a Gilmore Girls marathon will be a lot more bearable with The Zany Friend, The Witty Friend, and The Chronically Awkward Friend there to keep us company. To add that extra kick to just about anything, ya' gotta add some salt.

So our overview...laughter is the spice of life, but which one? Love makes us laugh in delight, wisdom allows us to chuckle to ourselves when we are put out, and friends give us the comfort and cause to laugh out loud until our guts hurt and our eyes water. So which spice is laughter to you? What part of your life makes you feel the most relaxed, most free to cut loose and giggle a little?

That's not a question you can really answer, is it?

You can't survive on a few pinches of sugar or a handful of salt every day. Spices add to food, but are not food themselves. Life is what you have to work with. The blend of all your experiences, relationships, the alternate paths of all your choices, and everything that you are and that you strive to be...that is what you survive on. Don't like the way things taste? Change your recipe up a little. You've got your whole life to get it right, so don't be afraid to make mistakes. Spend time with people if you feel a little lonely, or if you're bitter inside, tell your family, friends, or significant other that you love them. If you feel put out, take time to step back and analyze the situation. Have you made the wisest decision? How can you work with what you have to get the best possible result? But most importantly, what will you be content with in life? NOT what will you settle for, but what can you be content with?

When you go to sleep tonight, will you be able to close your eyes and think about your life and say, "If I never wake up again, this was awesome."?

Unsettling? I can't say I can always sit back and be content, but I should be. We have an incredible amount of things to be thankful for.


I try to end every day by smiling at all the things I love about my life, and life in general. I thank God for it, and I go to sleep willing to live and ready to die. It's a very peaceful way to exist, I believe. When you can lay everything down and say, "I'm happy with who I am and how I live," you have nothing to lose but everything to give. It's a nice feeling, though often fleeting.

Keep fighting the good fight. You'll lose battles forever, but the ride's so worth it when you know how to cherish the ones you win.

Goodnight,
~W.V.~

Self-analyzation

Well, here I am again. Right now I'm cuddling with David and kinda sorta watching a Vietnam movie called Tunnel Rats. I hate Vietnam movies...except for Forrest Gump, which doesn't count :) .
I'm glad school is starting back. Yeah, it'll be busy and crazy and uberstressful as usual, but I kinda like knowing what I'm doing every day. I'm planning on hanging out with McCurly tonight, which brings me immense happiness. I haven't seen her in ages, and she's always wonderfully insightful, even in her nonsensical statements. David just belched in my face. Gross.

So I remembered...he did it again. Gross.

Anyway, I remembered a conversation I had with someone my sophomore year about psychology (a favorite dabble of mine). He got angry with me and refused to let me walk away from him because my leaving him alone after the presentation of my various theories about him would allow his mind to automatically self-analyze. (D just burped on me again. Gah.) Remembering my conversation with The Cryptic Fat One reminded me of a fact that I've discovered in my own life; usually the best, most definite way to be comfortable and happy with who you are is to really get to know yourself- to self-analyze yourself and decide which of your flaws you can live with, which of them you can't, and which of them are universals...which are so generally human that everyone shares them with you. No matter who complains about universal flaws, everyone has them, so you automatically bear them without feeling that they are a burden. Another great attribute of self-analysis is that it gives you the ability to see the good things about yourself; it creates a positive sense of pride, confidence, and self-worth. I realized today that I haven't self-analyzed in a long time, mostly because the people around me make me feel so wonderful that I don't feel the need to really read into who I am and criticize myself. For the sake of health, I think I should.

Let's see...negative traits first.

-I'm headstrong. I won't give up on something, even if it is a heavy tax on me emotionally or it takes too much out of me.
-I overthink things sometimes. I allow things to stress me out too much. I'm afraid of being too lax, so sometimes I'm too high-strung for my own good.
-I'm a tad ocd. I have a specific way I do things, and alterations throw me off. If i can't do things in a specific order I arrange things so that I can get them back into the original order, and that sometimes makes me a little inefficient.
-I can be too kind to people. Despite my good judge of character, I often knowingly give people more slack than I should, and it can end up costing me.
-I can have a one-track mind. I like to finish minor to moderate tasks before I consider taking on others, when I should be multi-tasking.
-I multi-task too much. (lol)
-I can be moody. Sometimes I let it show, sometimes I handle it pretty well. When it does show, I usually take my frustration out on people I know will put up with it (which I usually end up guilting myself to death over later...which brings me to-)
-I beat myself up. Rather I made a mistake or was simply a witness to something I couldn't control, I beat myself up over what I could have done, should have done, or would have done if I'd thought about it (which is so stupid to criticize one's self over).

There are a ton more than that, but those are specific to me. As for positives...

-I'm adaptable. Sooner or later I can become efficient at most things, which is pretty useful.
-I really care about people. People can rely on me and I get a lot of personal satisfaction out of helping them, rather or not they decide to return the favor.
-I understand people and empathize very well. I've learned how to work through emotions and it comes in handy in social situations.
-I'm usually conscious of how I behave, which is an improvement over how I was only a year or two ago. In fact, I'm practically a different person.
-I'm headstrong. Though it can be a fault, it gets me through tough times and helps make me a good leader.
-I'm insightful enough to deal with life. I don't really see the point in elaborating on that one.
-I see beauty in simple things.
-I try to see the good in everyone, even if the bad seriously gets on my nerves.
-I focus on the long run. I pay attention to the present and follow the philosophy that you only get one life and should cherish every day, but I try not to stress something if it's not gonna make a difference in a few years. I try to see opportunities and keep my eyes on my goals, and I strive for them without relent.

There are also more of those, but as before I see it as somewhat pointless to list them.

I feel better. Knowing that one knows oneself makes the world a much friendlier place, probably because when one knows oneself, one always has a friend close by.

I'm a senior. Dude, it's so weird (and relieving) to say that. One more year and I've got a new life ahead of me...talk about gnawing anticipation. I love not knowing where life will take me, and I love the few things I do know are in store for me.

Wow. This movie is awful. Good cinematography, but it's an awful film. No one wants to see life as it really is. Everyone knows that :) .But seriously, I don't know if I can finish it.

My quote of the day is original...

"My goddaughter is adorable. Michael Jackson is dead. Brownies are still yummy. Life is good."

Seriously, people. Some of his music was good...some. But he was only ever sexy or a good performer when he was a not-so-skinny, big-nosed black boy who actually sang and danced instead of grunting and grabbing his crotch. Get over it. He lives on in cds and the bank accounts of drug dealers. All I'm worried about is where all the Beatles merchandise is going. There's a lot more going on in the world than the death of yet another pop star junkie. For example, Iraq, Darfur, north Korea, and a Latina senator (JUMPIN'). Or, if you'd rather not focus on the world political stage, there's Kathy Griffin. She's friggin' hilarious. So is Gabriel Igleseas (I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong). Check them out.

"Big brother is watching you"

~W.V.~

"These Tears Are Deadly"

So life has been interesting lately. My mom had her surgery a little over a week ago and this afternoon had an appointment to see what the findings about her cancer were. I'm nervous, so here I sit, blogging, alone. I'm generally calmer that way.

"Simple and Clean" is a great song. All versions. Check it out.

Well, I am a senior, and the AHS French horn/Mellophone section leader. LIfe is...good. Good enough for living. If a person can wake up and breathe and find some goodness inside themself, life is good, as good as it gets, and that means carpe diem is the way to go. Despite that carpe diem and que sera sera are two contradictory philosophies in two different languages, I try to live by them synonymously. Seize the day, but what happens happens. Only God can stop the world from turning, and while Earth spins, life moves on, with or without the living.

"She sits in her corner, singing herself to sleep,
Wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep.
She no longer cries to herself, no tears left to wash away.
Just diaries of empty pages, feelings gone astray.
But she will sing
'Til everything burns while everyone screams
With all of their hopes and all of my dreams"

"Everything burns" ~Anastacia feat. Ben Moody

Almost all my friends have been consumed by World of Warcraft. I'm occasionally tempted to beat them senseless with their Internet routers. Though it's a fun game, hours upon days upon weeks upon end of leveling up to gain status in a video game while you're sitting there getting older is just a bit foolish to me. Get a life, folks. You only get eighty years or so. The Internet will always be there, but you won't. Live a little.

Everyone take a little time to just sit, or listen to music, or talk to loved ones. To read, to write, to paint, to pray. Take pictures, sing songs, dance like you're the only one with eyes. Turn off your phone and turn up the volume. Drive with the windows down. Sleep naked. Stand in the rain. Laugh at yourself...laugh at everything. Love everything, even the things you can barely stand. Just live. Live your life; it's the only one like it you'll ever have.

The title of this entry comes from a Hollywood Undead song entitled "I'm Sorry". It's riddled with pain and regret and anger, but somewhere towards the end of that song there is such relief...the release of human emotion is...amazing. All the potential for every great discovery lies within the human soul.

I've made a new friend. She's one of my freshman horn players this year, and she's an incredibly sweet, interesting person. Her vitality is refreshing to me. Constantly having random deep thoughts can be hectic, and she's a real breath of fresh air. A free spirit, like myself. I wish her well. She has no idea how much fun she's going to have in the next three years, and I'm excited to see how she adapts to full-fledged high school life. Best of luck, gal.

Mmm...Bon Jovi. Something about that man's voice is wonderfully enlightening. Great songs, to boot. I'm craving some Guadalajara cheese dip. Mmmm...yum.

D is supposed to be leaving work now, but he'll probably try to stay til close for the extra hours...I miss him, and he's wearing himself out...I wish he wouldn't. I can say one thing for the boy, he works really hard to reach his goals until he's met them. I admire that greatly.

I had an epic Avoid-Being-Farted-On-By-My-Randomly-Disgusting-Boyfriend Battle today. He let a real stinker loose, and I got one whiff and had no intention of remaining in the room for the rest of his gaseous expulsions, so of course he attempted to restrain me and fart as close to my nose as possible. He should be awarded a gold medal for taking as many consecutive knees to the hindquarters as he did. Poor thing was definitely hurting... :) But I won, as I always do.

I saw an act of extreme redneck-ness (and illegality) near D's house earlier this week; a family attached a fire hose (where on earth did they get that?! Did they jack a f-in fire engine?!) to the fire hydrant on the corner, ran it down the block to their curb, along the fence that surrounds their yard, into their backyard, and used it to fill their above-ground pool.
...Seriously?...I mean...seriously?...Even the yuppies can't afford to use their own friggin' garden hose? What is wrong with people? Is it worth being jailed and fined massively? ...Seriously???

A song recommendation for Evanescence fans: "Lies". A song from the Origin album that wasn't terribly advertised due to the fact that the band had not yet signed with Windup...you could also find the original versions of Whisper and Imaginary (that one's particularly good), along with some more great titles, such as "Forgive Me", "Fields of Innocence", and a wonderful instrumental called "Outro".

My quote for the evening:

"Sinners, men, and chivalry
And softly spoken lies;
You never know just how to look
Through other people's eyes."

~from "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers~

(...what's up with that name...?)

Peace,
~*W.V.*~

Ah...we meet again

Wow, I've really missed blogging. This feels like coming home.

I find myself without much to rely on...there are a few stable things here and there, and that's really all I can ask for. I'm alive, so I have no right to ask for anything at all.

David's downstairs eating dinner, and I'm in front of his xbox on a laptop, blogging. Lol...I find myself to be delightfully lame.

It seems like every girl I know is going bra shopping this week. I'm thinking, "Why exactly do you turn the unnecessary spending of money on items you don't exactly need into a social event?" Then again, I've been known to turn aimlessly driving around Decatur, Hartselle, and Huntsville into a social event. So I guess wandering without purpose can be useful after all.

Hopefully I'll be playing Resident Evil 5 in a few minutes...Gah, that's a good game. I'm pretty sure I prefer it to RE4 simply because of the co-op mode available in RE5.

"Those who are dead are not dead, they're just livin' in my head...
And, since I fell for that spell, I've been living in this well.
Time is so short and I'm sure there must be somethin' more...

"Ya' thought ya' might be a ghost...
ya' thought ya' might be a ghost!
Ya' didn't get to Heaven, but ya' made it close...
ya' didn't get to Heaven but ya...

"Those who are dead are not dead, they're just livin' in my head...ooh..."

~"42" by Coldplay~

Been in a Coldplay mood lately. Bright, calming, nonsensical music...seems to suit me of late.

I intend to post an excerpt from Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray here when I get the chance...it sums up my thoughts nicely.

Ah...we meet again. The dreaded school picture day. I wore a Victorian vest-top thing, faded black jeans, a dress watch, and my hair is now dyed something kinda like its original color...so yeah, me and my dramatic makeup look like your typical punk-pop star. It's sickening to think about the stereotype, but I do like the way the style looks on me. My newly pierced ears feel pretty good, so I know have four individual piercings. I was afraid one was infected, but I think now it's just torn, but healing up nicely. Well, D's back. I'll drop another line as soon as I get a chance to again.

LOVE LOVE ME (~mika~)
~W.V.~

So...here I am. After a few day's absence from my blog (and a minor bout of separation anxiety) I have returned.

Shamu, my large maroon Whale on Wheels (1995 Ford Aerostar), is in the shop and I miss her. There was rumor of Chris maybe getting me a Mazda because Shamu has been slowly dying of various terminal illnesses for some time now, but I highly doubt that I will actually acquire said Mazda.

Also, there is a chance that Lil' Ghetto, my AT&T Go Phone, may soon be replaced by a Verizon pre-paid phone that would be, though more expensive, quite a bit nicer. Considering that I do and always have paid for every penny of my phone and its service (it's actually in my name), I am not sure rather I shall accept the proposal or not. The way minimum wage is and the economic recession or whatever the hell it is is not making life any easier on teenage loners.

Speaking of loneliness, I have been quite lonely lately. I still see David quite often, but I used to spend hours out of every day with him, so I'm adjusting, and dreading the day he leaves for basic training. I admire his choice to join the Marines, and I'm very proud of him, but GAH am I scared. I'm one of those people that prefers a few close friends over many mediocre ones, but I honestly hate being alone. And, as stated before, I am terrified of loss. So David's career choice takes a little out of me even though it hasn't begun yet. I'll support him in whatever he wants for the rest of his life, but I pray every day that I die before he does. I suppose it's selfish to want to leave him to cope with losing me instead of the other way around, but let's face it; the ideal way to die (together, old, sleeping in each other's arms) is highly unlikely. I mean, it had to be the Marines. God knows why he picked the branch of service with the highest death rate and the most difficult standards...but he feels called to do it, like I feel called to support my little "family" or to finally publish my book or to push myself to the edge in pursuit of the person that I hope I will become. He wants it bad, and that's all I need to know to follow him...it's just so hard to be the one left behind...especially when you can't be sure when and how your partner will be coming back. God, give me grace...

Anyway, I've been carted around so far this week by Ms. McCurly and my friend Megan, both of which have ended up taking me to BAM until I can get D to take me home. Meg actually was permitted to stay and talk to me until David arrived today, which was quite nice. We went by McGreasy and I got a double cheeseburger combo and one of the new brownie melts (very good, but quite rich a little too much for people like myself that get heartburn easily). We then chilled in Megan's car until David drove up like a bat out of hell (as usual), and then I migrated to David's car and he dropped me off here at Mama Jo's, so here I am...blogging. I apologize, for I am vastly uninteresting today.

Book stores make me feel as though I'm being watched...but in a good way. Not like being watched by creepy people or whatever, but like little pieces of the warmth from the books follow me around while I'm browsing. Yesterday was quite nice...I bid Ms. McCurly adieu, bought myself an iced cocoa, and settled down with a hilarious book that the mistress of dry humor herself recommended. I liked it so much that I almost bought it (I mean, it's a practically worthless book, but too funny to miss), spent an hour looking for the price on the cover while trying to appear like I was not looking for the price on the cover, and finally found it, in the end deciding that a large volume full of random and amusing information was not worth nearly twenty dollars after tax.

I am broke, and my grandmother just gave me money in hopes that it would cheer me up. I feel like a terrible person, but she won't let me turn her down...they need every penny they can get...*long sigh*...

Well, pay day is Thursday, and perhaps I can figure out how to do something to eliminate my occasional need for charity...I hate feeling like a burden, and I hate owing people money. Since my grandparents don't let me pay them back, I feel like crap every time they try to make my semi-self-sufficient life more comfortable. It makes me sad, but I don't know what to do... :/ oh well.

I heard from ED about this movie called Black Sheep. Zombie sheep. Sounds hilarious because 1.) It was filmed with the intentions of scaring its audiences, and 2.)...zombie sheep. Doesn't that say it all?

Don't have much to say, so here are a few suggestions for movie-lovers:

My 35 buy/rent movie picks...

~Interview With the Vampire (BUY)
~The Secret Life of Bees (rent)
~Amusement (rent)
~Hannibal Rising, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs, and Hannibal (BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY!)
~Donnie Darko (very deep cult classic; an American film that originally gained a heavy following in the U.K...if you like weird movies, buy it and watch it repeatedly. If you're only interested in strange movies, rent it and watch repeatedly.)
~The Mothman Prophesies (another deep, weird one...a rent, though)
~Silver Bullet (rent)
~The Howling (buy...both this and the above are CLASSICS of the building werewolf genre)
~The Producers (musical based on a Broadway...rent or buy)
~The Truth About Cats and Dogs (rent)
~The Matrix series (note the many biblical parallels...a good rent or a buy for action fans)
~Tamara (a good rent or buy)
~Forrest Gump (buy)
~Thelma and Louise (Brad Pitt when he was still sexy...and a classic. Buy it, foolish mortals!)
~O Brother, Where Art Thou? (rent)
~St. Elmo's Fire (80's hit, long and dramatic and outrageous in all its glory...a good movie, probably better rented than owned.
~Miracle at St. Anna (rent)
~The Bucket List (buy)
~Anger Management (buy)
~The Crow (A buy for cult film fans, w/ massive amounts of Romeo & Juliet allusions...a rent for others)
~The Color Purple (anyone with a soul should own this movie)
~Fried Green Tomatoes (anyone with a soul and a sick sense of humor should own this movie)
~A Nightmare on Elm Street (nothing will ever be as scary as the originals were...a rent)
~The Exorcist (oh buy it, buy it, buy it! Amazing movie, and at least 50% true to the actual events)
~Something's Gotta Give (quite funny, though not a movie most teens would enjoy...a decent rent)
~Pineapple Express (rent)
~Bottleshock (Great, and based on a truly amusing story...a wonderful rent)
~Ace Ventura ( you must live once...a rent )
~Instinct (the god of all amazing actors, Anthony Hopkins, in an incredible role...a buy, if you can find it)
~The Shawshank Redemption (buy)
~Stephen King's The Stand (buy, but you'll be terrified of the common cold for weeks)
~Stand by Me (another King flick recommended by a very biased fan, but it's a heartwarming movie, and Keiffer Sutherland fangirls will go wild at the mild-mannered actor as a teenage badass. I own it.)
~The Lost Boys (Go Keiffer Sutherland...rent it)
~Mirrors (relatively scary, and with Keiffer again...anyone notice a pattern, here? Rent this one)
~Gravedancers (although many of the Masters of Horror and 8 Films to Die For movies are tremendously visionary and somewhat scary, this one surpasses most of its counterparts with its solid storyline and unpredictable turns. Special effects are pretty good and cinematography is to die for...not a typical in-your-face horror movie...a real winner. Pick it up at an FYE near you)

Well, I do believe I've ranted enough for tonight. Everyone have a good evening and sleep well.

Arvous,
~W.V.~