Speak in Terms of Unity

And the followers will listen.

Tonight may very well be a good night. Or it could be terribly mediocre. We shall see.

Lots of good things waiting to happen. I hope they decide to do so soon..."Living on a Prayer" never seemed so valid a compilation of lyrics.

Holiday Wishes

So after my last post I went home and reflected on all my holidays past.

So far I've spent all my Thanksgivings and Christmases with my grandparents, my mom, my brother, my uncle, my stepdad and his family, and/or David and his family. Though we all live in the same town, I've never seen all of those people on the same holiday...

I've come to the conclusion that food, movies, TV, decorating, gifts, small and occasionally charming traditions, and lots of stress and arguing are the things that more or less sum up my holiday experiences in my nearly 19 years on earth...and a lot of those things are great. A few are aggravatingly commercialized, and the last few are infuriating and defeat the purpose of gathering together to celebrate in the first place.

So, I composed the following list of holiday wishes for the years to come, for however many I may have the liberty of celebrating:

1.) I want to celebrate with genuine people, people who love life, who appreciate it, and who know how to live it. I want to be surrounded with a small group of people that really cherish the point of it all.
2.) I want to cook holiday meals with good friends and family (whatever that may be...they tend to be one and the same for me), and enjoy food seasoned with good conversation, not just for the sake of eating it because it's the holidays.
3.) I want to look outside in the morning and see snow- legit snow. Not the occasional centimeter of cold, watery mush we get here.
4.) I want to do all the charming little traditions I've always done with someone special, somebody that appreciates and enjoys them...and to start new ones.
5.) I want to sit in front of a lit fireplace and talk about dreams and fears and memories with somebody that loves me, someone I don't have to be afraid of loving back...to share stories and make memories, to laugh and smile and reminisce late into the night.
6.) I want to do all the little things for whatever family I may have one day, to attend to the tiny details that make them smile.
7.) I want to walk along in a park and watch the sunset cuddled up on a park bench, then take shelter in some cozy little restaurant somewhere and celebrate how beautiful life can be.
8.) I want to actually talk about what we're thankful for, unashamedly.
9.) I want to build a snowman that can't be upended by a stiff breeze.
10.) I want the real gifts to be the ones in our hearts and minds, and the ones under the tree to be only mementos of them.

That is, in ten points, what I would love for at least one of my holiday seasons to be like. What this one will bring, who can say? I can't...but I have my hopes and I have my dreams, and maybe one day they'll be real.

"I like to compare the holiday season to the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending."-Fred Rogers

"From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere close to sea."-Algernon Charles Swinburne

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."-Garrison Keillor

Getting Back Around to Christmas

It's getting nearer and nearer to the holidays, and I find myself sitting on the porch and pouring a little or my drink (*wink wink*) into the dirt and thinking about an old friend. December 28th, 2008...I wonder how many people that he touched even remember the date of his death? I celebrate this Christmas in an entirely new way...with not a single blood relative, not a single old friend or classmate. The tail end of this year marks the very beginning or what I believe will be the life I have longed for all along, only not recognized. But, as I celebrate in whatever way I will, I will remember to be thankful for my very life, and to remember its losses...

R.I.P D.C.
You are missed, and our memories of you bless us every day

I've never quite been in the housing/financial situation I am in right now. Never was injured and had to worry about how to clean the wounds or was sick and couldn't take some cough syrup...life is funny that way. Just as we overlook nature, we tend to take the smallest modern conveniences for granted just as often. I wonder sometimes whether anyone ever legitimately finds a proper balance of respect and appreciation for their lives? That would be a feat to be marveled at...

I keep thinking back to past holiday seasons and means by which they were celebrated...where I spent them, who I spent them with, what I did, what I didn't do, what I liked and disliked most. I believe I will go home shortly (after walking to buy some groceries; I am currently on a computer at the public library and am in something of a rush) and make a list on paper of the things I like, dislike, and remember about the holidays. I think I'll make a list of things I look forward to in future seasons, also.

Have a great night, guys. Much love,
~W.V.~

Eventually

Everything will be alright, eventually.

It's about time to invest in myself. I've always known I have a ton of potential, and I'm getting tired of not using it...or at least tired of only using it in ways that benefit others but not myself. It's time to start looking into ways to make money and to go to school...time to stop wishing that my family cared and that my friends were all trustworthy...time to take matters into my own hands and make the hard decisions and make a move instead of standing still and hoping. Time to take risks. Time for change of any kind.

Time to live, and really savor life...the way I used to. Time to remember that everything is beautiful, even the awful things...even the painful things.

Today I woke up in a new place once more, only this time I feel like it may lead me to somewhere that matters...to a life utilized for something of real, respectable worth. I hope that's true. Wanna publish some writing soon, but need to worry about necessities and getting on my feet first. That's about all...things are all business now, and it's funny how that affects one's typical train of thought. It's much more difficult to really enjoy myself these days...but somehow, I'm still doing it.

Viva la vida!
~W.V.~

A Meditation on Love

I wrote this out on paper just because I wanted to feel a pen beneath my fingers gliding through the words, but I knew that I’d eventually post it here.

The human condition is one huge, fascinating paradox to me, and I find the knowledge that no one will ever completely understand it to be far more humorous than vexing. One attribute of humanity that I think puzzles all of us is the most cliché and controversial of human devices: our capacity for love. Love itself is the cause of such an enormous uproar in human cultures globally. I speak from experience as I write that even those souls which are fortunate enough to taste love first-hand and fully embrace it do not ever entirely comprehend it. So, here and now, I present a few of my notions and contemplations on the concept of love. It’s one of those things that can only very poorly be put into words, but I shall do as best I can.

The word itself is so overused, not to mention misunderstood. Love is not an emotion or even the sense of completion that a loved one may bring to one’s life, but is rather the choice to put another person before oneself day by day. This is where the thin, tragically blurred line between loving someone and being in love with someone is drawn; when one loves someone they are absolutely beautiful, but when one is in love with someone they are absolute beauty. To be in love is not to make the object of one’s affections the core of one’s world, but is to relate one’s world to one’s significant other. Love is not an unstoppable force which binds people together without fail, but is the daily choice people must make to avoid failing one another.

Love is the most fervent madness the human soul may know, but is in the same instant the most resolute form of order on the planet. Love feels understated even when expressed through the sacrifice of human life, and yet can be fully conveyed through the simplest actions and gestures. Love is a feature of all intelligent species, yet is only worshipped and romanticized by ours. It is a razor-sharp blade, the tip of which we spend so much of our lives longing to balance upon. Don’t take me for a cynic; I have been cut many times and bleed copiously in the name of that blade, but I still believe in its virtue, and I still believe that it is one of the greatest treasures of life that one can possess. The trick of the balancing act is to cherish every second at the top knowing that sooner or later you will be at the bottom. All marriages end in death or divorce; love is only as lasting as we are, and is often only as lasting as our wills for it are, no matter how intense its presence may be in our lives. Love can be a sword or a shield, and is sometimes both at once. It may be a gift or a curse, or may phase from one into the other. Love is forever coveted, even when it has already been achieved. It’s the most intravenous high to be had, and, when abused or lost, can cause withdrawals or injury; it’s the hardest drug on earth.

Some believe love is only a chemical creation, a result of just the right combination of sympathy and sexual interest, a psychological anomaly in response to the mingling of personalities and random stigma. Others believe love is predestined, some component of destiny or product of fate, a force of nature that acts upon whichever souls it chooses to, a wayward agent of the powers that be. I believe that love is all of those things, both random and set, and that it’s so much more, and less, all at once.

Love is patient, kind, and understanding. If God is love and all things are possible through God, all things must be possible in love. Love is an incomprehensively big thing that’s all about the little things.

Love’s about pulling a blanket over them when they fall asleep on the couch during a movie. Love is about smiling past the faults and pet peeves at the tiny pieces of perfection behind their eyes, even if you’re the only one that sees them. Love is about finding pleasure in watching them sleep or being brought to tears by their smile. Love is about letting them cry on your shoulder and being brave enough to cry on theirs. Love is compromise, communication, passion, hope, determination, and all the little spaces in between. Love is the answer to its own question, a mystery and yet a fact of life. Love is both a factor and a product of hope in many ways.

In the end, love is valued for the same reason our loved ones are; brilliance despite imperfection. To many love is a dream or a fantasy, but to others it is a very real source of pride and strength. To me, it is all those things. Power rests with those willing to risk everything to seize it, and love is the prize so often eludes the powerful. It takes serious strength to love with all one’s being, but strength and obstinacy should not be confused. The love should be wielded like a fine weapon; carefully and with great responsibility and skill.

“Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.” -Henry Ward Beecher.