God, life is hilarious.

Seriously, it is.

Thanks to Ms. McCurly for making my life more bearable, and for introducing me to the eloquently hilarious works of John Green. :D

So I'm at my grandparent's house with David (the stunningly attractive male on my background holding the scary-looking thing wrapped in a blanket that is me) waiting to be fed, which anyone that shows their face here generally is. It's quite comfortable for me to write here, and I'm just dropping a blog to let my peeps know what I'm up to. I've had gale-force expulsion of fluids out of both ends of my body all day, so I was not at school today, and came here after work to do research paper typing/ historical terms defining. Figure I'll do that after I attempt to retain my dinner.

Looking for Alaska is an amazing novel. It really is. It's so real and easy to relate to for me that I can hardly put it down, and when I do, I think about it. I dreamed I was at Culver Creek last night. Gah, I love John Green.

I've been ranting to a few about this lately (If ranting were an Olymic sport, I'd be the Micheal Phelps of tyraids), but I'll publicly announce it; "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen shall be played at my funeral. It must. Go listen.

It's odd, I've never thought about songs to play at my wedding, which, God willing, is a lot closer than my funeral, but I suppose that's because I don't intend to have an actual ceremony. A courthouse wedding suits me and my pocketbook just fine (sorry, I was raised by my grandparents and often say "pocketbook" in lieu of "wallet"). Death is a very deep, but not necessarily morbid issue for me.

I mean, I am extremely comfortable with who I am. There are people that I've let into my heart and people that call me friend, and I have a tight little "family" that loves me. I've learned so much about love in such a small amount of time, and I know I'll never learn it all, but I'm satisfied with who I am. My own death doesn't scare me in the least. However, I am terribly, mindblowingly, irrevocably petrified of loss. Losing loved ones hurts like hell. Worse than any abuse I've yet to see. So far I've handled it well, but I haven't lost any of my precious ones yet. Thinking about that scares me. But I find the entire concept of death, well...peaceful. Not only relieving, but beautiful...the process of transcending the physical realm. What I am to become in the fullness of time is, I feel, why I was born with such a big heart among so many people that had none. Insight is a gift, though terminally opinionated, and I intend to make all the good of mine that I can while I'm alive...I breathe to lift people up. I've given everything for it, and I live that without regret. To see someone die with my state of mind, die knowing that they are beautiful against any standard because they know who they are...that is not sad. That is gorgeous. I watched a good friend go that way...so unexpectedly, but I sat in the pew at his funeral and cried because I missed him so much, and watched them close his casket down over his face...and then there was this rush of sweet, beautiful, relieving light. I felt him leave that sanctuary and I realized that he loved his life so much, but that he also knew who he was. Heaven welcomed a true son the night Baby Boy went home. ]

I haven't cried since. I guess that's why "Who Wants to Live Forever" is a perfect song...because those that really know me would listen to the breathtaking voice of a long-dead rock star and realize that I loved every second of my life...that I lived every single second. Cause life isn't practice...this is all you get. It's hard and a bitch, it's gorgeous, it's a miracle, and it's truly humorous when you look at it. God, life is hilarious. My best wishes to anyone else that sees that...keep up the good fight.

my quotes: "Rather you look at the glass as half empty or half full, you've still gotta figure out what to do with what's inside it."

"Everything's eventual."